Being chubby rocks. I’m not saying that in one of those “try to see the brighter side of things” inspirational ways. This is not another Fat Acceptance article. And this isn’t Jezebel. Being a chubby guy  just rocks. We may have a harder time flying or finding cute clothes, but we have a LOT to be thankful for. Let’s do this:

1. We’ve got the curves and the moves to show em off!

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Justin Timberlake just shat his pants.

2. In a world where thin is in, we are like the cool rebels.

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Like Katniss Everdeen, but less hungry.

3. We have more room for bodypaint!

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You could pretty much fit the entire Gettysburg Address on my belly.

4. We come with a built-in table.

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Tables? Where we’re going we don’t need tables… 

5. We are more likely to survive car crashes.

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This is for real. It’s been proven by science (but don’t forget to wear your seatbelt!)

6. And we’re less likely to get divorced than thin people.

Via dailymail.co.uk

It’s probably because we’re so damn jolly.

7. We float.

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“In the event of a water landing, please grab the nearest chub.”

8. When we get our hands on the right clothes, we look fabulous.

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And we jump really high. Major props to the people at chubstr.com for raising the bar in big-guy fashion.

9. We’re typically funnier than thin people.

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No offense to thin people. You’re good at other stuff, like, getting cold easily. Speaking of which…

10. We’re built to stay warm in wintertime.

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Which allows us to do stupid shit like this.

11. We have extra room for all the delicious things.

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Because life’s too damn short to skip dessert… or bacon.

12. We are the best cuddlers.

Photo by: Chris Reed, Model: Kurt Jo

Look at that face! Don’t you just want to cuddle Kurt right now? Do it! (Kurt is also a killer DJ, check out his gig info at the bottom)

13. Because we spend less time in the gym, we have more time to learn things.

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SCIENCE!

14. People always move out of our way.

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Either because of our bigness or our fierceness. Either way is a win.

15. Our TV counterparts are always the lovable fan favorite.

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How could anyone not fall in love with Cam in roller skates?

16. In the immortal words of Latrice Royal: We. Are. Sickening.

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Damn right!

If you’re interested in seeing DJ Kurt Jo (aka the good cuddler) spin, check out the regular Beefcake parties he hosts with Chris Reed in NYC, DC, and Philadelphia. Kurt will also be DJing at Hibearnation in St. Louis. http://djkurtjo.com

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