10 New Animal Classifications the Bear Community Needs
The bear community is a large animal kingdom, from otters (skinny, hairy guys) to panda bears (Asian bears). But what other animal classifications is the bear community missing? We decided to propose 10 new ones.
That super adorable hookup you only see once in a while, and usually only when he needs a place to sleep.
“I miss you. And your fridge. Mostly your fridge.”
He’s so cute and you want to cut him some slack for having been through a lot. But good God does he make terrible choices.
“I just took a shit on your pillow.”
That guy who’s always messaging you on Growlr or Chasabl and then when you finally try and introduce yourself in a bar, he’s all “Who?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t recognize you. Maybe if you take off your pants?”
A guy who dresses up really nice when you first meet him, then after a few dates you realize he only has one nice outfit and wears it ALL the time.
“Listen, I found a look that works for me, and I’m gonna wear the shit out of it.”
That guy who’s always spending time with his big bear ex and refuses to admit he still has feelings for him.
“We’re just friends.”
That guy who’s always unlocking his photos for you—and it’s ALWAYS his anus.
A closeted bear who usually surfaces once a year, but be careful—if he sees his own shadow, he’ll dive back into the closet until next year.
“I’ll call you…”
That bear friend who will eat anything that’s not nailed down.
“You gonna eat that toaster?”
That kind of guy who lives life on the edge, but seems most likely to end up dead on the side of a road in Texas.
“I make good choices.”
He’s real big. He’s real cute. He’s real dumb. He’s Groot.
“I am Groot.”
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